Caregiving Doesn’t Only Affect the Person Receiving the Care

Hello Readers and Friends!

For years, much of my writing has focused on recovery — what happened after my massive stroke, what it took to rebuild my life, and what I learned about resilience along the way.

Lately, however, life has been teaching me about recovery from a very different perspective.

I am no longer only the person who needs care – I find myself on the other side of illness.

Today, my wife and I are increasingly helping care for her mother as she faces the challenges of aging and serious illness. And as this responsibility has become a larger part of our lives, I have begun to understand something I never fully appreciated before.

Why My Writing Is Beginning to Broaden

That has made me think differently about resilience itself.

For years, I thought about resilience largely through the lens of my own stroke recovery: getting back up, working harder, continuing forward, refusing to accept that improvement was over. Now, I am seeing another form of resilience.

Sometimes resilience means being strong for someone else. Sometimes it means adjusting your own expectations. Sometimes it means accepting that you cannot fix everything. And sometimes it means continuing to live your own life while also carrying responsibility for someone you love.

My experience of resilience keeps expanding.

Becoming a caregiver…

Things nobody tells you before you become a caregiver

• There is rarely a clear starting point. You do not get a memo saying, “Today you became a caregiver.” It starts with one appointment, one phone call, one favor, one emergency—and then it keeps expanding.
• Caregiving becomes a second job. Doctors, medications, insurance, transportation, finances, housing, family coordination, paperwork, follow-up calls. None of it looks dramatic by itself, but together it can consume hours, days, weeks, or more.
• Small decisions become exhausting. Is this symptom serious? Should we call the doctor? Should we travel? Should we change caregivers? Is this facility good enough? Should we spend more money? Decision fatigue becomes real.
• The financial side can be shocking. Caregiving is not just emotional. It can involve assisted living, home care, transportation, travel, medications, home modifications, attorneys, and lost work time.
• You learn that healthcare is fragmented. One doctor may not know what another doctor said. Records do not always move smoothly. Someone must connect the dots—and often that someone becomes you.
• You may begin treating every phone call as potentially bad news. That can quietly change your stress level even on otherwise normal days.

Of course, these are just a handful of the changes that come with taking on a caregiver role.

Somewhere along the way, my wife and I realized that caregiving had become a significant part of our lives. What surprised me most wasn’t simply how much work caregiving requires — It was how much of your own life it begins to occupy.

And yet almost nobody talks about that part.

As my wife and I learn what it really means to be a caregiver, I urge you to know the resources that exist and to share the tips and tricks that you have learned along the way.